Sunday, May 27, 2018

MONDAY TIP: WHY I THINK YOU CAN MAKE THIS CHANGE EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE ELSE SAYS YOU CAN'T

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I promised that I would help walk guys through Phase 2, which is where you begin enacting the journey from gay to straight. If you took the red pill at the end of Phase 1, then Phase 2 is naturally where you go next. This is the moment when you first signal to people outside of yourself that you are making a change. The main development in Phase 2 is a radical shift in your identity and the end of your use of the label "gay" to define, describe, or limit yourself. 

You are not pursuing women or trying to get yourself to desire women yet. Trust me -- there is a lot to do before you even start thinking about that. In my experience and according to what I have learned from other ex-gays, you will have very slim chances of success as a straight guy if you do not take the time to close out your gay life properly. You need to show respect to the people who knew you as gay and give them a chance to know why you will be changing so suddenly. You have to learn how to forgive people, and forgive all the things people may have done up until now, so you can be free of whatever kept you in the gay scene. You need to impress upon yourself the reality that a huge physical change is about to take place, and then do everything you can to commit to the sacrifices and difficulties that will go along with that change.

But I want to launch Phase 2 week with first some explanations to you about why I present such a radically different view from virtually everyone else whose opinions you will read. After all, everyone else tells you it is impossible or even wrong to try to change. You will hear again and again that if you try to do this, you may become suicidal. 

So this essay will explain where I come from. If this helps you trust my tips, great. Always remember that you can take or leave whatever I tell you here. I am not a psychologist or science expert. You have to go slowly and seek help if you are having a lot of emotional turbulence and fear you are going to break down. The one thing I can offer you is simply the weight of experience. 

I did it. Many others have. Everyone's situation is different but I still believe the core of what I have seen can be useful to others, especially because nothing I suggest is actually all that radical. Everything I did in my life was basically healthy and moral, with the exception of doing things with a woman outside of marriage, that is to say, before I married her.

SUNDAY (2) TIP: GET READY FOR PHASE 2 WEEK--SAYING GOODBYE TO THE GAY SCENE

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It is still Sunday where I am, but I am gathering together a lot of really great material for our week focusing on Phase 2 of the Journey (this is when you break away from the gay scene.) I recorded this brief video to give people a brief overview of what to expect as we examine this phase of the change from gay to straight:



A couple of things I hoped to convey in this video, but some of it didn't get in there.

1. Phase 2 in real life does not last a week. It may last as long as a year!

2. My goal is to keep you along but not just push you forward too early. So the two bans are in place starting in Phase 2: NO porn (not even straight porn!) and masturbation has to be near to abstinence. (If you need a stat, the limit you are trying to reach is at least 90 days between times you masturbate.) Let me explain my reasoning here: Porn has got to go immediately and you have to purge all of it. But I don't want to lose you on the journey over masturbation. I get it, it's too much of a shock to say you will never masturbate again, so I hope to work with you through the phases and I'm not willing to scare you off just over masturbation. But as I explain in the video you have to replace masturbation with exercise, this is really important, and if you are still masturbating frequently, you will find it almost impossible to get out of Phase 2.

3. You have to get yourself checked out by the doctor at this phase, especially if you were heavily active in the gay scene. Find out everything you have, and make sure you take the time to get clean. If you picked up herpes in the gay scene, that's never going away but there are ways to manage it, and it is not a deal-breaker for you. If you are HIV+, you cannot go on this journey. I will try to have some posts suggesting celibacy sites or other things to do. But you cannot get into dating women if you have HIV.

4. In Phase 2, do not stress about forcing yourself to be sexually attracted to women yet. You're still a ways away from dating, and you do not need to start disciplining your mind with sexual fantasies. It is important to bring closure to your gay past in a way that's forgiving, decent, and healthy.

SUNDAY TIP: ARE YOU THE LOST COIN?

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I am about ready to declare a moratorium on the clobber verses. I have written long explanations of Romans 1 and Genesis 19, right here on English Manif! But I am ready to branch out to other parts of the Bible, which I think speak beautifully to the need for heterosexuality. The verses about how awful homosexuality is might not make much difference for readers here. If you've had gay sex you know how bad it is; your own revulsion and discomfort over the whole affair suffices, in most cases, to make you see that God did not design you for homosexuality.

But the Bible defends heterosexuality in a million hidden ways and that is a good focus. Let me summarize below the parable of the lost coin in Luke 15:8. See here:

Friday, May 25, 2018

SATURDAY IN SOCIETY: WHY AREN'T CHURCHES MORE HELPFUL TO PEOPLE FLEEING HOMOSEXUALITY?

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I have been pretty good at avoiding politics on English Manif lately. I know some of the guys who need the morale boost vote for Democrats and many do not go to church. I'd love for all of you to think and worship exactly like me, but as they say, no pressure, no pressure. My goal remains to keep everything practical and not get lost in academic terms or sweeping political stands.

But I figure since Saturday is an off day, maybe I will allow myself occasionally to speak about cultural politics on Saturday.  And this Saturday (May 26, 2018) I am going to share this brief note about what has happened in our churches. I am sorry if you were hoping for more engagement with liturgical and theological debates on English Manif, but this brief video message explains why:

TIP (3) FOR FRIDAY: 10 QUESTIONS TO END RED PILL WEEK

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It's the end of "Red Pill Week!" This is the week during which I sought to speak to the Phase 1 guys, gay men who are in the community and trying to weigh for themselves whether to take the red pill, and go on the journey from gay to straight.



To finish the week off, I have 10 basic red pill questions to help the questioning gay guy reach a decision about whether or not to go straight:


TIP (2) FOR FRIDAY: TAKING SEX SERIOUSLY

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I would be curious to know how many of you feel the way I do about the constant onslaught of news about sex and sexuality. I find it tiresome but also maddening, because society cannot make up their mind as to whether sexual pleasure is a small detail irrelevant to most of our lives, or sexual pleasure is the pinnacle of our Jeffersonian "pursuit of happiness" and must trump every other consideration out there.

The sheer percentage of news stories that involve homosexuality, transgenderism, women's issues, sexual abuse, sexual confusion, pornography, exploitation, advice on how to have good sex, dating, marriage, and abortion is overwhelming.

I would be fine with everybody talking about sex all the time if they could be consistent and say, we are going to talk about sex because it matters, so let's all talk about it today.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

TIP FOR FRIDAY: WERE YOU EVER REALLY GAY???

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This week I've tried to give special attention to folks in Phase 1 (you are in the gay community and trying to decide whether to go on this journey). Perhaps no question is more central to Phase 1 than this basic one, which you often do not ask yourselves:



Were you ever really gay? 

We use the term constantly to describe people but nobody knows what the term really means. Does it mean you just like men, but not necessarily that you think about having sex with them? Does it mean you want sex with them but not necessarily that you engage in the sex? Does it mean you have sex with men?

While people act nonchalant and assured about what the word means, people do not actually agree on what the term implies. And yet you are stuck living inside this term. You are so stuck inside it, people in some states like California have made it illegal for people to suggest that you can stop being gay after you have already called yourself gay (or someone else has insisted you are gay!).